One person's worth more than an eternity...

Si les branches frappent les vitres                             And if the branches tap my pane
Et tremblent encor les peupliers,                               And the poplars whisper nightly,
C'est pour t'avoir dans mon esprit                            It is to make me dream again
Et doucement te rapprocher.                                     I hold you to me tightly.

Si les etoiles aux profondeurs                                    And if the stars shine on the pond
Du lac miroitent dans la nuit,                                     And light its sombre shoal,
C'est pour apaiser ma douleur                                  It is to quench my mind's despond 
Pour rasserener mon esprit.                                      And flood with peace my soul.

Si les nues s'en vont a leur tour                                 And if the clouds their tresses part
Et la lune vibre d'eclat,                                                And does the moon outblaze,
C'est pour que je puisse toujours                              It is but to remind my heart 
Me souvenir ainsi de toi.                                              I long for you always.                             

                                                                                       

                                                                                 (Si.../And if... by Mihai Eminescu)

"Il semble que la perfection soit atteinte non quand il n'y a plus rien a ajouter, mais quand il n'y a plus rien a retrancher."

Just as Antoine de Saint-Exupery  points out in his masterpiece "Terre des hommes": "It seems that perfection is reached not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing more to deduct." 

We'd normally think perfection doesn't exist...or even if 
perfection does indeed exist it's really hard to find. 

I'd say...what if we can find perfection in every single little thing as long as we know how to look at it?

Indeed I do believe that...if not...I mostly believe I can make perfection come out of anything. 

But then again...why is it so hard...when we actually find raw perfection...something that doesn't need to be processed in order to be perfect because it already is?

Well we'd normally think it's hard to find perfection. But no. The hardest part comes only after finding perfection.

Whether it takes the shape of an object or a person or even something non material perfection does indeed exist and sometimes it's all around but people are too blind to see it. 
It doesn't matter in what shape it comes...perfection is still different for every single one of us...what I see as perfect might be outrageous for others but then again it can be reversed too.

Perfection is the one thing that makes you stop and admire it. 

Perfection is that something that makes your eyes teary and your heart beating faster whenever you look at it.

Perfection is every single thing that seems to be making us want to decrease the distance, to take step after step and get closer to it.

Perfection is something you're sure you'll never get bored even if you had it or looked at it for a lifetime.

Perfection is the one and only thing able to make you happy wherever you are and for no matter how long.

But then again perfection seems to be the hardest thing to keep when you finally have it.

Some would say...if it's that hard to hold on to it and you have to struggle all your life to do so...is it really worth it?
Is the idea of perfection worth to them? 

But what happens when perfection itself asks if it's worth it or not? What answer could a mere human being give to their perfection in order to make it trust them and believe it's true that for them it's the only thing that's worth it?

Indeed nothing seems to be fit because no matter how hard we're willing to try it won't believe us no matter what since it already has that impression.

Here's the hardest part. How to still keep it in your life when you want it so bad but it doesn't realize? 
Is there any way that your feelings will reach it? or you'll have to live with it for a lifetime letting it think it's useless?

In the past I would have said finding perfection in something is ridiculous.

For the last year my eyes could only see and dream of it though.

But at the moment I seem unable to answer that question. I want it so bad and I want to hold onto it for a lifetime. But what if I simply don't know what I can do anymore or...I'm simply still unable to do something? ...
What if I don't know what I can do anymore to make it realize it's value?
Will I get tired of trying and give up on it?
Will I not want it in my life anymore because I'm unable to convince it? 
...
I think even if those times are the hardest I'll probably won't ever forget how much I need it and that it's only perfect in my eyes which gives it worth no matter if it believes or not.

So I'll probably  still fight for it no matter how tired I'll get.
Because just as me....it doesn't have anything else.

Mon âme chante la béatitude d'amour et embrassés le parfum de souvenirs

Autumn's come, cover my heart with something,

with a tree's shadow or, better, with your shadow.

I'm afraid that I won't be able to see you, sometimes,

that some wings will grow onto me, pointed to the clouds,

and that you'll hide away into a stranger's eye

and it'll close up with a mug wort leaf.

And then I approach the stones and I keep silent,

I take the words and drown them into the sea.

I whistle the moon and I rise it and I turn it

into an endless love.

(Autumn Emotion by Nichita Stanescu)

They say our hearts are like the seasons...changing. 

Je veux t'aime aujourd'hui et demain et la semaine suivante et chaque jour même apres le changement...chaque nouveau saison jusqu'à le dernier moment que j'ai sur ce terre.

Mais ou sont les neiges d'antan?

Dictes moy ou, n'en quel pays,                 Tell me now in what hidden is

Est Flora la belle Rommaine,                     Lady Flora the lovely Roman?
Archipiades ne Thaïs,                               Where's Hipparchia, and where is Thais,
Qui fut sa cousine germaine,                    Neither of them the fairer woman?
Echo parlant quant bruyt on maine           Where is Echo, beheld of no man,
Dessus riviere ou sus estan,                      Only heard on river and mere,--
Qui beaulté ot trop plus q'humaine.           She whose beauty was more than human?...
Mais ou sont les neiges d'antan?               But where are the snows of yester-year?


Ou est la tres sage Helloïs,                        Where's Heloise, the learned nun,
Pour qui chastré fut et puis moyne            For whose sake Abeillard, I ween,
Pierre Esbaillart a Saint Denis?                 Lost manhood and put priesthood on?
Pour son amour ot ceste essoyne.            (From Love he won such dule and teen!)
Semblablement, ou est la royne                 And where, I pray you, is the Queen
Qui commanda que Buridan                     Who willed that Buridan should steer
Fust geté en ung sac en Saine?                 Sewed in a sack's mouth down the Seine?...
Mais ou sont les neiges d'antan?               But where are the snows of yester-year?

La royne Blanche comme lis                     White Queen Blanche, like a queen of lilies,

Qui chantoit a voix de seraine,                  With a voice like any mermaiden,--
Berte au grand pié, Beatris, Alis,               Bertha Broadfoot, Beatrice, Alice,
Haremburgis qui tint le Maine,                  And Ermengarde the lady of Maine,--
Et Jehanne la bonne Lorrain,                     And that good Joan whom Englishmen
Qu'Englois brulerent a Rouan;                  At Rouen doomed and burned her there,--
Ou sont ilz, ou, Vierge souvraine?             Mother of God, where are they then?...
Mais ou sont les neiges d'antan?               But where are the snows of yester-year?

Prince, n'enquerez de sepmaine               Nay, never ask this week, fair lord,
Ou elles sont, ne de cest an,                     Where they are gone, nor yet this year,
Qu'a ce reffrain ne vous remaine:             Except with this for an overword,--
Mais ou sont les neiges d'antan?               But where are the snows of yester-year?

                        François Villon  c.1461
  


Just as François Villon implies, we all come to regret a certain moment in our life.
It may be the happiest times, or the times we felt at peace, the times we had precious people around us, or the times we simply miss and want back from the bottom of or hearts.
As for me...I never thought I'll regret any ending of a road or another in my life, or any blocked way that I can't follow ahead just cause I was well guarded...in front of failure, in front of pain and in front of love too.
But I changed. 
We all cry over "the snows of yester-year" - our most precious and memorable times, and usually it's precisely because we know we'll only meet those times again as a memory. 
Even having the certitude that those times wont return no matter what, we still call them back, think about them every second and want to have everything we used to. In short we're crying over every end of the road or every sunset. But then again, what's certitude in this life? 
Why wouldn't determination be enough in order for those times to be back?
Do we lack something?
No.
It's destiny.
Things and people are connected by an invisible thread which stretches as much as it can but in the end it'll still come to an end. I believe the ending is always where we're supposed to arrive, even though it may be a time we thought was already lost; in consequence we get there not mater how many stops we make along the way or how many times we chose to turn left or right on a detour. 
People are bound to meet no matter where life may send them, because in the end our faith is sealed when we're born, even though our decisions are the ones who take us there...who can prove that our decisions were something made on the spot and not something already determined at birth according to our destiny?
Indeed, it takes time, but just as Ernest Hemingway said: 

"Men are not made to be defeated. Every human being can be destroyed. But not defeated.";

so wishing for a past memory of a happy time to become reality once again it's never a baseless action, because sometimes we can go back to those moments, those people, those feelings, or even the person we used to be back then.
Time is a funny thing; no matter how hard you try, you can't stop it. It just keeps passing, you can't slow it, but even so...who says that you can't turn it back in your favor? We're not talking about going back in the past, but metaphorically speaking, tuning the dices in your favor by simply going back to a moment in time that you thought was forever lost. 
We can learn a lot by such an experience, sometimes we can even find out that even though we held on to that wish for such a long time, we truly didn't want it to come true; people change, so even if for the person we were in the past, such a time was good and comfortable, for who we are in the present it can easily become a burden. 
Every single moment of our life needs to be fully lived and appreciated at the right time in order for a person not to have regrets. But,usually, we only know it was the right moment the second after we let it slip. That's why regretting things is easy. Changing is not though; because there is a difference between day and night - changes are made during the day, but regrets take over at night. In the end our lingering feelings and desires can easily be connected to an object, person or moment in time. As for me...just the happiest time of my meaningless life and the person to whom I owe it all. 
Compared to all these feelings life indeed seems insignificant, ephemeral...
That's why, I too, just like a normal human being...want to stop time, to turn it back to that moment and make it last forever.
How's that making sense though? Time will always flow, time's everything we usually lack, time's the reason the pattern on the wings of a butterfly...as unique as it may be, is always bound to be lost.
We're all butterflies, we all have different patterns, we're individuals, our lives are nothing but races against time; even so, their lasting depends on our effort and determination.
Even though it's impossible to turn back time, we're just thinking about it the wrong way.
So what if it's impossible to turn back time? What happened then can happen again. Because time is never wrong, it just follows it's normal course, but it's never wrong. Just as Paulo Coelho said: 

"Nothing is wrong in this world. Even a stopped clock is right two times a day."

Going back to that time, to those people, to that you, to those memories only takes determination. If you're determined to fight you can't be defeated so...
To all of you who regret the loss of a particular time spent by someone's side:
Be true to yourselves! Because if going back is what you want; then, even though time can't do it, you sure can so don't lose hope or courage but follow your heart! It's never too late.
I'm not someone who would just stand by and lose the most important, beautiful and happy time of my life, because even though now I'm changed, I still clearly know what I want to live for.
I won't let my life become meaningless after losing it's importance. 
I am someone who lives for the others, not for myself...but if I were to live for myself...that would mean I would have to live entirely for that time, that me, and mostly for...that you... 
                                                                                                                                                               16.08.2013

Forever faithful to a single purpose that caries your name.

What’s still fair in this world?

We’re all people. We’re supposed to be individualities, we’re encouraged to be different and think differently but in the end nothing ever matters.

Why do they blame you for not thinking like them when we’re supposed to be different?

Why do they think we’re worthless if we don’t have the same principles that rule our life?

How do they dare shout at you, make you lower your head in front of them only because of that?

Who are they? A bunch of people without any ideas who can’t even make a distinction between light and darkness.

Still….the only thing they can do is look at us and see us as some hypocrites, think we’re arrogant and eccentric.

Then what does this make them? Ignorant?

But how can they be so ignorant? …Ignorant when it comes to the others, ignorant of the world but mostly even ignorant when it comes to their own needs.

How can someone that cares more about the others than about themselves still survive in this kind of world?

They just run over your feelings without even caring and none of them actually stops to pick them up and shake of the dirt and the pain.

No one tries to understand not even their own needs and desires, let alone the other’s.

Why?

Why is the world so indifferent nowadays?

It may be because people’s hearts have changed, then again it may be because of money and interest, not to mention the great proportion of stupidity but still….smart, stupid, ignorant or intelligent we’re still humans, why treat the others like they don’t even exist or committed the worst sin of their lives when you yourself don’t know if you’re just or unjust?

How is the other’s sufferance making you feel better?

What happened to honesty?

Might have disappeared a long time ago…then again Plato’s brother, Glaucon represents the sophist conception when saying: “No one’s just by nature but only obliged by fear of the law.”

I wonder…is that really true?

Not at all. 

He proposes an experiment…starting from the story of the lydian shepherd Gyges who after an earthquake finds a ring that makes him invisible…he uses it to concentrate  all the power of the estate in his hands.

The experiment uses a just man and an unjust one. Supposing we have two rings of that kind and give one to the just man and the other to the unjust man he says that we’ll notice both of them will have the tendency to do bad. Therefore he arrives at his thesis.

But I wonder….are we all blinded by power? Is there no one left who cares about people or about those who care about them? Won’t there be any one of us who’ll say: “Thank you, but I don’t want to be invisible!” ?

I want to believe there are. I want that hope and I won’t let it die because I’m one of those who care about people even though it generally means I suffer all the time.

Plato disagrees with his brother and believes  that justice is a virtue. A man can be just and a society can also be just.

In a world where we’re all different…isn’t justice a virtue in the ethics domain?

I think so.

And we need more people like this.

On the other hand…just like Eugène Inoesco once said…”Don’t be afraid to be one of the few who think differently because one day…you can never know how the minority can become a majority, just believe and have the courage to be yourself.”

Courage,

Dignity,

Honor,

Honesty…

Each and every one of them can become a virtue, because they’re dictated by reason.

Human soul has three parts : the rational part, instinctual part and appetent part.

Moral is that the rational part rules the other too even though they occupy the biggest part of the soul.

Seems that nowadays it became really difficult to dominate the others…

It can’t be impossible though…

We’ll wait and see. 

Taking a trip inside...

It's necessary to go back in time once in a while...sink inside yourself, try to rediscover or reinvent your own person or simply understand yourself better.

One of the best methods is questioning. Marcel Proust, the author of the famous monograph "In search of lost time" and a great personality, through his efforts of a writer; managed to leave behind an extensive work, appreciated by critics all over the world.

In his honor every one of us should take the Proust Questionnaire at least once in their lives although I would recommend it several times since the answers might change and that means we changed too...we have other wishes, passions or perspectives...Just try to discover them and understand them better.

I've tried to answer it as an example: 

1. What is your idea of happiness? 

- Being old, sitting on a bench on top of a hill alongside the person you spent your life with and watching the sunset.

2. Where would you most like to live?

- If I had to pick I would say Kyoto - Japan, but as they say...home is where your heart is.

3. What is your favorite virtue? 

- There are 2 of them and they're inseparable: justice and honesty.

4. What are your favorite qualities in a man? 

- Honesty, respect and determination.

5. What are your favorite qualities in a woman? 

- Dignity and commitment. 

6. What do you most value in your friends?

- Acceptance and understanding.

7. What is your biggest weakness? 

- Caring too much for the people around me and too less for myself...that makes me wake up and realize that although I care about a lot of people only few of them care about me.

8. What do you enjoy doing the most?

- Being myself while spending time around the people I love.

9. What is your most marked characteristics? 

- Honesty, acceptance - I never judge people, altruism.

10. What is your idea of misery? 

- Loneliness - not because I would feel alone, but because there wouldn't be no one there that I could look after.

11. If not yourself, who would you like to be?

- No one else.

12. What is your favorite color and flower?

- Blue and the rose.

13. What is your favorite bird? 

- The dove.

14. Who are your favorite writers? 

- Albert Camus, Kazuo Ishiguro, Haruki Murakami, Eiji Yoshikawa, Paulo Coelho, Shakespeare...

15. Who are your favorite poets? 

- Charles Baudelaire, Edgar Allan Poe, Paul Verlaine...

16. Who are your favorite artists? 

- Claude Monet, Rembrandt, Auguste Rodin, Albrecht Dürer...

17. Who are your favorite composers? 

- Franz Liszt, Sergei Rachmaninoff, Frédéric Chopin, Igor Stravinsky, Edvard Grieg, Johannes Brahms, Franz Schubert, Antonio Vivaldi...

18. Who are your favorite heroes and heroines in fiction? 

- Orpheus and Eurydice, Dante and Beatrice. 

19. Who are the heroes and heroines in your life? 

- Those who give me and the world hope.

20. Who are your favorite heroes and heroines in history? 

- Napoleon Bonaparte and Joan of Arc.

21. What is your favorite food and drink? 

- Anything made with love, passion and consideration.

22. What are your favorite names?

- Elisabeth and Victor.

23. What do you most dislike? 

- Lies and betrayal. 

24. What historical figures do you most dislike? 

- Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin. 

25. What event in history do you most admire? 

- The process of constitution of every national state and each and every battle fought for justice, nationality, unity, rights, and self-determination.  

26. What social movement do you most admire? 

- Feminism.

27. What natural gift would you most like to posses? 

- Nothing from what I don't have already.

28. How would you like to die?

- Doing what I like, or while sleeping.

29. What is your present state of mind? 

- Determined to never lose hope and fight for what I want.

30. What is your biggest pet peeve? 

- A great part of the population. Mostly liars, fake people, lazy people, ignorant people, those who don't even have the right to be called humans, shameless people, disrespectful people, egocentric people...

31. Which fault in others do you most easily tolerate? 

- Lack of confidence. 

32. Which fault in yourself do you most easily tolerate? 

- None. I can't tolerate any of them.

33. What is your motto? 

- If you can't reach it, you don't have the right to call it your dream. 

This was the Proust Questionnaire. To all of you that accidentally find this page or just stop for 5 minutes to read this girl's ambiguities...isn't it worth a try? Do you know enough about yourself to be able to answer them all? Find out! 

Sinking in the absurd of quotidian existence...

Another day passes without air...
Life itself got lonely and complicated...and so I arrived at the conclusion identified by Albert Camus a century ago...life indeed has to be absurd.
Every existence is absurd in it's own way...How's life making sense if there are people who don't have any means to live? or others who hope are still gonna be alive to see the next sunrise? How can humanity have hope for the future when the world doesn't give any possibility? It's as clear as the daylight that possibility is the matter of liberty and since we're living in a mostly democratic world...the absence of it is a fatal lack.
How can the world make sense when no one can have what they want the most? 
Humans just live an absurd existence...they struggle to get whatever they desire but in the end they still have nothing. What could be the use for that object of desire when in the end we have to face everything alone? We end up facing death alone...Ever since the very moment of birth the individual has the clear certitude that he'll eventually die...well then why struggle on this Earth? Some might say to gain recognition...I wonder about that...Who's ever gonna recognize your worth, struggles or hard work in this world? 
Then why exist in this world? What could be the purpose of life? Some found a meaning for it...in happiness, faith or knowledge...As for me...? It must be a compositum. Just like Kant's Copernican Revolution...my life purpose has reverted my attention from the object of it directly to the subject.
But then again...what are we to do when we learn that we're living and absurd existence? There is only one being in whose case the existence precedes the essence and that's the human...Although each and every one of us is an individuality we have a lot of similarities too.
In 1942 Albert Camus was writing an essay about the absurd character of existence. 
The first problem humans think about after realizing it has to be suicide since it's not worthy to live for nothing. Some might say they live to be happy...but what is happiness? are we ever gonna have at least a second of happiness? 
From his point of view the correct attitude should be the revolt. Only by revolting against the absurd of the quotidian existence we can find a meaning in whatever we propose to realize. 
To sustain his theory he used as a single argument the myth of Sisyphus who became, by excellence, the hero of the absurd. Through his passions and struggles he became the ideal image of human existence.
Sisyphus tried to became immortal but chaining death...this attracted the wrath of the gods who decided to give him a task. He was sentenced to climb a huge rock on the highest hill of the inferno. Once reaching the top of the hill, the rock would always fall on the opposite side and go down to the base of the hill...which made his task continue for eternity. 
His disregard of the gods, hatred towards death and passion for life made his useless effort have a meaning, and thus Sisyphus discovered that the meaning of his life was happiness and he was achieving it by his hard work, his continuous and absurd effort of uselessly pushing the rock to the top of the hill made him happy, because within his sentence, that was the only way to infuriate the gods by defying them. He managed to find a meaning in defying the absurd and that's what every one of us has to do in order to be able to live. 
A life for love, knowledge, happiness, faith or freedom is possible as long as we keep defying every challenge that will block our way.
The price every human being has to pay for their passions on this Earth is the acceptance of the fact that they're struggling to obtain something that will never be fully theirs of finished or that will never last...in the end something ephemeral.
After realizing this, it's their choice whether or not they keep on fighting and defying...or they give up and sink in the absurd...but Just as Eugène Ionesco always encouraged people to think differently I have to say most of the people ignore this fact after realizing it. 
And there's the inner war between sense and sensibility.   
Because of human's indifference the absurd is winning...

If you cannot reach it...you don't have the right to call it your purpose. 

Étourdissements

Y ears ago, I never thought this change was possible,

O nly you’re the one responsible.

U nder my cold mask of glass,

A nother existence, waiting to be awaken lies.

R ediscovered by your hands;

E ternally yours will remain...

M y soul’s hiding place, you tore apart;

Y earning for a life according to your heart.

E ntrapped under the shadow for such a long time,

T errified of the future and of any bond...

E ternally only to you will respond.

R evitalizing something once thought empty,

N either the moon and the stars can offer it plenty.

I nfinite love that only to you it belongs...

T rusting the future only our lives may hold;

Y ou’re waiting for the right time to be told.

Difficult times

Apart from Nietzsche who believes there are no good or bad things and the world is only a matter of perception...ordinary people clearly categorize things as "bad" or "worse" all the time according to their purpose.

The word life sums it all.
But they forget that life...is the most precious gift they ever got. Anything can be built again in life if we have hope and feelings. 

While blaming life or destiny for their misfortune they forget to live.



                   It's not about having all that you want.

It's about appreciating                                 To fail means 
all that you have.                                        you've tried.

                                           LIFE
To hurt means                                            To hope means
you've loved.                                               you can go on.                                                                  
        To survive means you've fought the battles in life.                        To stand again means you've learned...

         So never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about!

We're responsible for every step we take. Our lives are long chains of decisions, but then again, just as the essence of the contemporary existentialism: if the individual freedom is absolute the the responsibility is absolute. It's the principle that the world should be ruled after just like Antoine de Saint-Exupéry illustrated in his most known piece or work:  

"People have forgotten this truth," the fox said. "But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose.”

                      (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry - The Little Prince)

You know that moment when...

Late at night...

incomplete...

like the sky without the stars,

like a writer without a word,

like a sunrise without light.

The cold rain is falling...

falling on the trembling pieces of my heart.

You're not here to protect them...

to cover my heart with your love,

therefore they keep hurting.

An unbearable pain

spreads through the empty shell of my body.

But you don't know...

You're far away

...

No matter the distance

our hearts are liked together.

The bond, hidden from human sight

is lighting the right path,

slowly but surely

melting our destinies together.

Blended together

into a life of happiness and love,

far away from people or pain...

An existence only made for the other one,

Forgotten by the world, angels or God.

A world free of suffering

Where the simple word destiny is the ruler

And love is the only rule you need to follow...

I wonder if we'll ever go back to that world,

cause the flame is burning me even more

with every second that passes ...

I feel my heart beating two times faster

and I know then....

.

my everything...

.

is forever yours.

I feel  Zalmoxe's sword right at my throat

ready to end another life...

but I'm not scared cause

something in me tells me

I won't be wrong to believe:

"- Believe in that world

even if it means the end of your life!"  

says the voice of my heart...

It's confusing...

What am I to do now?

From the deepest,darkest abyss in me

I still hear the slow trembling whisper

of my broken heart:

"- Believe!"

Faith is the answer...

In our darkest hour just before the dawn

hope is still there.

Awaken by the sunshine...

it keeps giving faith...

faith in love,

in that world,

in the invisible thread,

but mostly faith that you can feel it too.

The light will guide you trough that point

where once met,

our paths can never be separated.

Let it shine your way back to me,

listen to it,

follow it

and treasure it.

It's the sacred way to live,

the only way...

a life for love.

The key of my heart is inside yours...

reach your hand to it and you'll find it.

Let you live a life full of happiness by my side...

for the sake of our love...

I keep thinking it,

wanting it

and praying that my thoughts will reach you...

reach your heart and make it open to me.

I went trough hell and back this night

but my only place is still by your side....

...always.

Don't run away...

your destiny's awaiting!

23.07.2013