Taking a trip inside...

It's necessary to go back in time once in a while...sink inside yourself, try to rediscover or reinvent your own person or simply understand yourself better.

One of the best methods is questioning. Marcel Proust, the author of the famous monograph "In search of lost time" and a great personality, through his efforts of a writer; managed to leave behind an extensive work, appreciated by critics all over the world.

In his honor every one of us should take the Proust Questionnaire at least once in their lives although I would recommend it several times since the answers might change and that means we changed too...we have other wishes, passions or perspectives...Just try to discover them and understand them better.

I've tried to answer it as an example: 

1. What is your idea of happiness? 

- Being old, sitting on a bench on top of a hill alongside the person you spent your life with and watching the sunset.

2. Where would you most like to live?

- If I had to pick I would say Kyoto - Japan, but as they say...home is where your heart is.

3. What is your favorite virtue? 

- There are 2 of them and they're inseparable: justice and honesty.

4. What are your favorite qualities in a man? 

- Honesty, respect and determination.

5. What are your favorite qualities in a woman? 

- Dignity and commitment. 

6. What do you most value in your friends?

- Acceptance and understanding.

7. What is your biggest weakness? 

- Caring too much for the people around me and too less for myself...that makes me wake up and realize that although I care about a lot of people only few of them care about me.

8. What do you enjoy doing the most?

- Being myself while spending time around the people I love.

9. What is your most marked characteristics? 

- Honesty, acceptance - I never judge people, altruism.

10. What is your idea of misery? 

- Loneliness - not because I would feel alone, but because there wouldn't be no one there that I could look after.

11. If not yourself, who would you like to be?

- No one else.

12. What is your favorite color and flower?

- Blue and the rose.

13. What is your favorite bird? 

- The dove.

14. Who are your favorite writers? 

- Albert Camus, Kazuo Ishiguro, Haruki Murakami, Eiji Yoshikawa, Paulo Coelho, Shakespeare...

15. Who are your favorite poets? 

- Charles Baudelaire, Edgar Allan Poe, Paul Verlaine...

16. Who are your favorite artists? 

- Claude Monet, Rembrandt, Auguste Rodin, Albrecht Dürer...

17. Who are your favorite composers? 

- Franz Liszt, Sergei Rachmaninoff, Frédéric Chopin, Igor Stravinsky, Edvard Grieg, Johannes Brahms, Franz Schubert, Antonio Vivaldi...

18. Who are your favorite heroes and heroines in fiction? 

- Orpheus and Eurydice, Dante and Beatrice. 

19. Who are the heroes and heroines in your life? 

- Those who give me and the world hope.

20. Who are your favorite heroes and heroines in history? 

- Napoleon Bonaparte and Joan of Arc.

21. What is your favorite food and drink? 

- Anything made with love, passion and consideration.

22. What are your favorite names?

- Elisabeth and Victor.

23. What do you most dislike? 

- Lies and betrayal. 

24. What historical figures do you most dislike? 

- Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin. 

25. What event in history do you most admire? 

- The process of constitution of every national state and each and every battle fought for justice, nationality, unity, rights, and self-determination.  

26. What social movement do you most admire? 

- Feminism.

27. What natural gift would you most like to posses? 

- Nothing from what I don't have already.

28. How would you like to die?

- Doing what I like, or while sleeping.

29. What is your present state of mind? 

- Determined to never lose hope and fight for what I want.

30. What is your biggest pet peeve? 

- A great part of the population. Mostly liars, fake people, lazy people, ignorant people, those who don't even have the right to be called humans, shameless people, disrespectful people, egocentric people...

31. Which fault in others do you most easily tolerate? 

- Lack of confidence. 

32. Which fault in yourself do you most easily tolerate? 

- None. I can't tolerate any of them.

33. What is your motto? 

- If you can't reach it, you don't have the right to call it your dream. 

This was the Proust Questionnaire. To all of you that accidentally find this page or just stop for 5 minutes to read this girl's ambiguities...isn't it worth a try? Do you know enough about yourself to be able to answer them all? Find out! 

Sinking in the absurd of quotidian existence...

Another day passes without air...
Life itself got lonely and complicated...and so I arrived at the conclusion identified by Albert Camus a century ago...life indeed has to be absurd.
Every existence is absurd in it's own way...How's life making sense if there are people who don't have any means to live? or others who hope are still gonna be alive to see the next sunrise? How can humanity have hope for the future when the world doesn't give any possibility? It's as clear as the daylight that possibility is the matter of liberty and since we're living in a mostly democratic world...the absence of it is a fatal lack.
How can the world make sense when no one can have what they want the most? 
Humans just live an absurd existence...they struggle to get whatever they desire but in the end they still have nothing. What could be the use for that object of desire when in the end we have to face everything alone? We end up facing death alone...Ever since the very moment of birth the individual has the clear certitude that he'll eventually die...well then why struggle on this Earth? Some might say to gain recognition...I wonder about that...Who's ever gonna recognize your worth, struggles or hard work in this world? 
Then why exist in this world? What could be the purpose of life? Some found a meaning for it...in happiness, faith or knowledge...As for me...? It must be a compositum. Just like Kant's Copernican Revolution...my life purpose has reverted my attention from the object of it directly to the subject.
But then again...what are we to do when we learn that we're living and absurd existence? There is only one being in whose case the existence precedes the essence and that's the human...Although each and every one of us is an individuality we have a lot of similarities too.
In 1942 Albert Camus was writing an essay about the absurd character of existence. 
The first problem humans think about after realizing it has to be suicide since it's not worthy to live for nothing. Some might say they live to be happy...but what is happiness? are we ever gonna have at least a second of happiness? 
From his point of view the correct attitude should be the revolt. Only by revolting against the absurd of the quotidian existence we can find a meaning in whatever we propose to realize. 
To sustain his theory he used as a single argument the myth of Sisyphus who became, by excellence, the hero of the absurd. Through his passions and struggles he became the ideal image of human existence.
Sisyphus tried to became immortal but chaining death...this attracted the wrath of the gods who decided to give him a task. He was sentenced to climb a huge rock on the highest hill of the inferno. Once reaching the top of the hill, the rock would always fall on the opposite side and go down to the base of the hill...which made his task continue for eternity. 
His disregard of the gods, hatred towards death and passion for life made his useless effort have a meaning, and thus Sisyphus discovered that the meaning of his life was happiness and he was achieving it by his hard work, his continuous and absurd effort of uselessly pushing the rock to the top of the hill made him happy, because within his sentence, that was the only way to infuriate the gods by defying them. He managed to find a meaning in defying the absurd and that's what every one of us has to do in order to be able to live. 
A life for love, knowledge, happiness, faith or freedom is possible as long as we keep defying every challenge that will block our way.
The price every human being has to pay for their passions on this Earth is the acceptance of the fact that they're struggling to obtain something that will never be fully theirs of finished or that will never last...in the end something ephemeral.
After realizing this, it's their choice whether or not they keep on fighting and defying...or they give up and sink in the absurd...but Just as Eugène Ionesco always encouraged people to think differently I have to say most of the people ignore this fact after realizing it. 
And there's the inner war between sense and sensibility.   
Because of human's indifference the absurd is winning...

If you cannot reach it...you don't have the right to call it your purpose. 

Étourdissements

Y ears ago, I never thought this change was possible,

O nly you’re the one responsible.

U nder my cold mask of glass,

A nother existence, waiting to be awaken lies.

R ediscovered by your hands;

E ternally yours will remain...

M y soul’s hiding place, you tore apart;

Y earning for a life according to your heart.

E ntrapped under the shadow for such a long time,

T errified of the future and of any bond...

E ternally only to you will respond.

R evitalizing something once thought empty,

N either the moon and the stars can offer it plenty.

I nfinite love that only to you it belongs...

T rusting the future only our lives may hold;

Y ou’re waiting for the right time to be told.

Difficult times

Apart from Nietzsche who believes there are no good or bad things and the world is only a matter of perception...ordinary people clearly categorize things as "bad" or "worse" all the time according to their purpose.

The word life sums it all.
But they forget that life...is the most precious gift they ever got. Anything can be built again in life if we have hope and feelings. 

While blaming life or destiny for their misfortune they forget to live.



                   It's not about having all that you want.

It's about appreciating                                 To fail means 
all that you have.                                        you've tried.

                                           LIFE
To hurt means                                            To hope means
you've loved.                                               you can go on.                                                                  
        To survive means you've fought the battles in life.                        To stand again means you've learned...

         So never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about!

We're responsible for every step we take. Our lives are long chains of decisions, but then again, just as the essence of the contemporary existentialism: if the individual freedom is absolute the the responsibility is absolute. It's the principle that the world should be ruled after just like Antoine de Saint-Exupéry illustrated in his most known piece or work:  

"People have forgotten this truth," the fox said. "But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose.”

                      (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry - The Little Prince)

You know that moment when...

Late at night...

incomplete...

like the sky without the stars,

like a writer without a word,

like a sunrise without light.

The cold rain is falling...

falling on the trembling pieces of my heart.

You're not here to protect them...

to cover my heart with your love,

therefore they keep hurting.

An unbearable pain

spreads through the empty shell of my body.

But you don't know...

You're far away

...

No matter the distance

our hearts are liked together.

The bond, hidden from human sight

is lighting the right path,

slowly but surely

melting our destinies together.

Blended together

into a life of happiness and love,

far away from people or pain...

An existence only made for the other one,

Forgotten by the world, angels or God.

A world free of suffering

Where the simple word destiny is the ruler

And love is the only rule you need to follow...

I wonder if we'll ever go back to that world,

cause the flame is burning me even more

with every second that passes ...

I feel my heart beating two times faster

and I know then....

.

my everything...

.

is forever yours.

I feel  Zalmoxe's sword right at my throat

ready to end another life...

but I'm not scared cause

something in me tells me

I won't be wrong to believe:

"- Believe in that world

even if it means the end of your life!"  

says the voice of my heart...

It's confusing...

What am I to do now?

From the deepest,darkest abyss in me

I still hear the slow trembling whisper

of my broken heart:

"- Believe!"

Faith is the answer...

In our darkest hour just before the dawn

hope is still there.

Awaken by the sunshine...

it keeps giving faith...

faith in love,

in that world,

in the invisible thread,

but mostly faith that you can feel it too.

The light will guide you trough that point

where once met,

our paths can never be separated.

Let it shine your way back to me,

listen to it,

follow it

and treasure it.

It's the sacred way to live,

the only way...

a life for love.

The key of my heart is inside yours...

reach your hand to it and you'll find it.

Let you live a life full of happiness by my side...

for the sake of our love...

I keep thinking it,

wanting it

and praying that my thoughts will reach you...

reach your heart and make it open to me.

I went trough hell and back this night

but my only place is still by your side....

...always.

Don't run away...

your destiny's awaiting!

23.07.2013

Should be freedom ... but then again may be just purpose ... we don't know ...

         

At first glance....eccentric, then solitary and underneath those...strong but at the same time weak...a character of steel hiding a soul that needs love and protection but at the same time knowledge. My existence revolves around those and they're the only ones keeping me from fading...transforming into matter and fly through the endless universe. Usually a people hater, but then again...not all of us can be called humans, according to Aristotle and Plato the essence of a human being is reason, therefore, every action made in accordance with a rational decision becomes a virtuous action...an action who makes people individuals but at the same time makes them human beings.

I get high with optimism in lethal doses. Usually I am a believer, but I believe in Plato's intelligible world. I'm a perfectionist, therefore his theory in accordance to which every object and being was created after it's own perfect idea which can be found in the intelligible world, meaning we are all imperfect copies of the idea of a perfect being...only makes myself want to prove wrong...I'm in a permanent competition with the perfect idea of me. In which the term "idea" has the meaning of pure essence. "Imperfect copies" actually explains why the Earth would best be conquered by aliens rather then letting ordinary people rule it. Which is exactly why it's necessary to keep our individuality... and that may not be hard to do since as Sartre once said "we are the result of our own effort", in short we are who we make ourselves be...so be seen as just another one in the crowd or be seen as a human..only depends on our decisions. But rather than that...when one makes an important decisions they should make it while keeping in mind what they want to accomplish, who they are or who they want to be, but also their hopes and dreams because...one of Paulo Coelho's most unforgettable quotes says: "when you truly want something the whole universe conspires to help you achieve it."